Even though I don’t like books with numbers, like 7 habits or 12 rules, this one is worth reading. It was in my sister’s Kindle and I found it very comfortable and effective to read books on Kindle. It’s lightweight and small, I can highlight parts, make notes, and even check the explanation of words. One problem is I should charge it 🥲
The lens you see the world
All the influences in our lives — family, friends, environment, and our attitudes and skills — impact us and we see the world not as it is, but as we are conditioned to see it. We are not objective usually.
We must look at the lens through which we see the world, as well as the world we see, and that the lens itself shapes how we interpret the world.
The more aware we are of our thoughts and assumptions, the more we can observe ourselves, listen to others, be open-minded, and see the world from a large picture.
Paradigm shift
Paradigm shifts move us from one way of seeing the world to another — it’s the “Aha!” experience. The more bound a person is by the initial perception, the more powerful the “Aha!” experience is. It can shift us in positive or negative directions, but it creates powerful change. I think change is a good thing whether it is in right or wrong way.
“I will never change, but I’ll never stay the same either” — Taylor Swift
Many people experience a similar shift when they face a life crisis like losing someone they love or stepping into a new role like parent or leader, they suddenly see the priorities in life.
The lens you see the problem
When we encounter a problem, we tend to look for a quick fix and focus on the acute pain. For example, if you have so much to do and feel like there’s never enough time, you would think that there must be a new planner or seminar that can help you. Instead of a quick fix, you need to look more deeply into the paradigms that affect how you see your time.
“The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them.” — Albert Einstein
To solve the problems, we need a new level of thinking — it’s where the 7 habits come in. It’s a principle-centered, character-based, “inside-out” approach to personal and interpersonal effectiveness. “Inside out” means to start with the most inside part of self.
The 7 habits
Dependent people need others to get what they want. Independent people can get what they want through their own effort. Interdependent people combine their efforts with others to achieve their greatest success.
Habits 1,2,3 will improve your vision, management, and leadership. Habits 4,5,6 will take you to the interdependent level by leveraging empathic listening, creative cooperation, and interpersonal leadership. Habit 7 is the renewal of everything.
Habit 1: Be proactive
When we face a problem, small or big, we tend to react with our feelings first. It’s easy to be reactive without thinking about the root cause. In contrast, we can be proactive by subordinating a stimulus to a value — a carefully thought value. Being proactive is not just being initiative. True values should drive us.
Between stimulus and response, we have the freedom to choose.
“No one can hurt you without your consent.” — Eleanor Roosevelt
Things can hurt us physically, mentally, or economically. But our basic identity doesn’t have to be hurt at all. What matters most is how we respond to what we experience in life. Our most difficult experiences actually make us more powerful and develop our ability to handle difficult circumstances in the future.
Proactive people take the initiative instead of waiting for something to happen or someone to take care of them. They find solutions, do whatever is necessary, consistent with principles, and get the job done.
Barack Obama was asked to share his most important career advice for young people, he replied… “Just learn how to get stuff done.”
Habit 2: Begin with the end in mind
It means to start with a clear image of your destination. If you know where you’re going, you better understand where you are now and you can take the right steps. We often find ourselves doing many things and trying to be productive, but those things we strive for are not even part of the right wall.
It’s possible to be very busy without being very effective.
Take some minutes now and imagine that you will die after 3 years. What do you want your loved ones to say at your funeral? What kind of person you want to be remembered?
Keeping that in mind, write your mission statement. Your mission statement becomes the criterion by which you measure your life.
This is my mission statement (it’s kind of personal hhi)
If I will die after 3 years:
A good girl — I am grateful for everything I have. My parents showed me that the most important trait is honesty. I will always be true to myself and to others. I will treat everyone with kindness, respect people as human beings, create a positive and comfortable atmosphere among others, and help people when they need me. I accept myself as I am with my problems. I dont’t judge, compare, or blame myself.
A loyal and helpful friend — I take care of my loved ones, help them, share their good and bad memories, and be honest with them. They know that I will be there for them whatever happens.
A responsible colleague — I get things done on time and with the best performance. But not doing the thing I don’t like, I should enjoy the ride, learn new things every day, and improve myself personally and professionally. I will do my best to contribute to the company and make the best out of it.
When we know what is deeply important to us, and keeping that picture in mind, we manage ourselves to do what matters the most.
“Everyone has his own specific vocation or mission in life; everyone must carry out a concrete assignment that demands fulfillment. Therein he cannot be replaced, nor can his life be repeated. Thus, everyone’s task is unique as is his specific opportunity to implement it.”
― Viktor E. Frankl, Man’s Search for Meaning
Habit 3: Put first things first
I hope you have seen or heard about this management matrix before. We tend to prioritize the activities in quadrants 1 and 3 because they seem urgent and we have to do them first to have time for quadrants 2 and 4 activities. I always do the assignments with the closest deadline and prepare for this week’s exams, but I end up having no time for exercising and improving myself personally. Those activities in quadrant 2, things I know I have to do but somehow I seldom do, are more important than having good grades.
If we don’t practice habit 2, if we don’t have a clear idea of what’s important, we respond to the urgent rather than the important.
Effective people stay out of quadrants 3 and 4 because, urgent or not, they aren’t important. They also shrink the size of quadrant 1 to spend more time in quadrant 2. To say “yes” to Quadrant 2, you have to say “no” to others.
Habit 4: Think win/win
There are different types of how we work with others: lose/win, win/lose, lose/lose, win/win.
When two win/lose people(determined, stubborn, egotistic) get together, the result will be lose/lose. Both will try to get more and give less, and they will end up with nothing.
In an interdependent world, you need to think in a win/win way. There should be a way that is profitable for both sides. If you can’t reach win/win, you’d better go for ‘no deal’.
Try to put yourself in the other person’s shoes and think of solutions that can be good for them. Then think of solutions for your side. The intersection is a win/win solution, propose it to the other person and say “win/win or no deal”.
Habit 5: Seek first to understand, then to be understood
Well, it’s obvious from the title. We often rush to examine a situation on a surface level and advise without understanding the problem. We have to listen with empathy.
There are 4 levels of listening: Ignoring — not listening at all, pretending — saying “Yeah, right” but not understanding, selective listening —only paying attention to some parts, attentive listening — focusing on words.
The 5th level is empathic listening — listening with an intent to understand. We should observe the other person’s body language, emotions, voice tone, and most importantly, meaning. Use your intuition and sense, not only your ears.
Habit 6: Synergize
To reach interdependence, all the other 5 habits we explained should come together and create the miracle of synergy. They are not separate habits, the power is in the relationship of those habits you develop. It unifies and unleashes the greatest power within people.
When people don’t trust each other, they try to protect themselves from loss or bad results. And when trust is low, they can’t understand each other fully and fail to cooperate.
The whole is better than the sum of its parts.
Habit 7: Sharpen the saw
The former 6 habits help you renew the 4 dimensions:
Taking time to sharpen the saw — exercising all 4 dimensions — is quadrant 2 activity. Take a look at the overall picture and evaluate your performance, how are the 4 dimensions going? Doing it regularly is important. If you don’t exercise(quadrant 2), you will find yourself dealing with health problems(quadrant 1). Don’t be stingy to spend time renewing these dimensions in balance.
Decide which activities you want to do to sharpen the saw. For me, I read books and write articles (mental), exercise regularly and eat healthy (physical), try to find win/win solutions and listen to people with empathy (social), go to nature sometimes and listen to good music (spiritual).
Conclusion
Like the other self-development books, he repeats the same idea many times and takes unnecessary examples to explain a simple thing. I can decide what I will get from books and what I won’t. I don’t have to agree with every word an author writes.
This book has many insights I would like to implement in my life. I think now I should focus on the habits 1,2,3 more. Having a clear picture of what kind of person I want to end, always thinking about my values whatever I do, taking initiative, dealing with my problems by myself instead of waiting for something to change, and doing the important but not urgent things first are so important for personal development.
If we want to change the situation, we first have to change ourselves. If you want to be trusted, be trustworthy.
2024.01.30 excited nanachka before going to rome
