Sometimes I think I’m not lovable. People get bored of me. They just leave me because I’m a “good girl”. I have a big heart. I can’t forget people but I forgive everyone. Maybe some people can forget and move on easily. I’m not one of them, I still think about someone I haven’t seen for a year. I always compare someone I liked before with a new guy I’m dating.
I think this is how it works. It’s impossible to forget someone, especially if you had some chemistry. It’s normal to compare people because everyone is different. We search for someone similar to the one we liked before. We experience many people in our lives to find out what kind of person we want. But finding a match is not like purchasing. Some people have a long list of characteristics they want in their partners. The longer the list, the harder (even impossible) to find the one.
Guys are fake. I don’t have to be a loyal, good, innocent girl. We should be equally fake to play this game. There’s one rule in the game: Don’t have one person. When you date only one person, you’ll feel sad and insecure if that person leaves you on seen. If he/she decides to end the relationship, you’ll feel miserable because you don’t have anyone else. Don’t become dependent on someone until you both decide to be serious. And it takes time, energy, effort, timing, and many things to be sure about it finally.
But wait, who the fuck am I to talk about relationships? I’ve never been in love. I don’t know what real love feels like. When you love someone truly and that person also loves you back — the possibility is low. Usually, when I like someone, he is not interested in me. And I’m not interested in the people who like me. Somehow we should find the fine line where 2 people like each other.
I realized that I’m afraid of getting hurt in the future and can’t be just happy in the now. I imagine the ending, someone is leaving me behind in a miserable way, and then I can’t be myself. I have a fear that he might think I’m boring or stupid, so I’m always shy and don’t say what I want to say. It’s not healthy for my mental health. I should be free to say or do what I want. If someone thinks I’m stupid, he’s not the one. Move on. Learn to let people go. When one door closes, another one opens. Don’t lose hope. WTF am I saying lol, I’m just 20😂 Sometimes I forget that I’m young and have a long way to go.
YOLO. Fail, learn, fail, relearn … enjoy the ride:)
I wrote here many times that I don’t know what I want or whether I’m ready for relationships. Now I feel it. I just want to fall in love 💚
p.s. This is my space to write whatever I want. This is my thought in this period of my life. You might not agree, IDGAF:) Also, if Nana from the future is reading it thinking what the fuck this girl was thinking, sorry kk.
2024.03.28 cute girl
