There will be an answer, let it be…
Why don’t things go the way I want even if I try hard? I’m doing my best but everything is like fuck you, life is not that easy. I’m trying to accept it and just let things be.
So how was my winter break? I worked part-time to earn money for traveling and went to the gym almost every day for 2 months for my back pain and to lose weight. In the end, I didn’t lose weight, and my back pain worsened. Because of my scoliosis, active movements like cardio or weightlifting will affect badly to my back. Then how can I lose weight if I’m not even allowed to run 😭
I did my first solo travel to Prague. After going to Berlin and Vienna with my friends, I wanted to experience traveling alone. It was such a good feeling to spend the money I earned. I met some coolest women in a hostel, ate the best vegan foods in my life, walked too much, got tired a lot, almost froze in Czech’s windy and snowy climate, and enjoyed everything I wanted to see. The best thing about traveling alone is the freedom to do whatever I want, being able to meet new people, and changing plans depending on my desire. But there were some moments I felt lonely because there was no one to share my feelings with, to laugh with, or just to take a picture of me. The whole trip was a big healing.
This semester is harder and more interesting than the first. I have 4 midterms next week, and I have to study a lot to really understand everything, not just memorize. It is harder to balance working and studying than I thought. Even If I can manage my time, I get so tired and stressed at work that my brain can’t work when I study. This summer I MUST do an internship, so I decided to quit my job now and prepare for applying for internships.
Recently I’ve been a good girl who doesn’t go out a lot to drink or party. Friends are so important in life, and I’m usually with my international friends at school. We study together, the things we talk about are meaningful, and they take care of me. I’m so happy that I found them, and don’t want to lose them.
I’m reading the book “Power of Now”. It is so hard to be present, accept everything, surrender, and reject negativity as it is written in the book. Many people are stuck with their past memories or spend a lot of time imagining how the perfect future would be. I think being in the Now can solve many problems I struggle with. I will write a review of this book soon:)
2023.04.08 happy nana in her bed
