I don’t know where to start lol
Okay I realized I didn’t write a journal after my “new year” blog. It’s gonna be a long one.
I woke up with a hangover on January 1st. When I opened my inbox, I saw that I failed a subject. What a great way to start the new year 😂. It was my first time failing a subject, I don’t want to blame the teacher (but he was unbearable) it was my fault that I didn’t want to understand and put effort, I just hated it because I hated the teacher. Another lesson from my mistake.
I still can’t find an internship, my friends are getting accepted by companies and saying that I will find it for sure, but it’s not for sure. Now I just want to run away when someone talks about internships.
January was chill, my last exam was on 25th and I went to Rome on 31st. Before going to Rome, I decided to download Bumble (dating app) when I had some free time. I tried this app before, but this time I wanted to go on dates to see how it is. The people I met were so interesting and I learned a lot of things, surprisingly. Everyone has a unique life path, perspective to see the world, dream, and experiences. I never thought meeting new people (especially from a dating app) would be informative and interesting. People have something to tell and I’m eager to learn from them. Also I had some free coffees 😂 I used Bumble for only 2 weeks, it’s hard to remember those people. I mixed what they said and was tired of talking about myself again and again to different people. And of course, it’s a waste of time.
Now I’m in my era of YOLO. I just want to try things without losing myself. Dating new people, kissing a stranger, smoking, dyeing my hair, getting tattoos, spending money on travelling, whatever. I don’t want to regret that I had a boring life in my twenties. I can have fun, study smart, work, and make connections with balance. But for this, I have to say no to some people and activities I don’t really want. If it’s not a hell yes, it’s a no. It’s hard to implement this in my life actually, I’m such a people pleaser.
I stayed at my friend’s place in Rome for 5 days. I liked Italy in general, it’s a very romantic place and food is good. But it was surprisingly dirty (even worse than Ulaanbaatar) and Italians don’t speak English. Then we went to Vienna, my number one city. But this time, we had such a bad experience there. We were fined for 105 euros each because we were using the wrong transportation ticket. It was written on a website that I can use that ticket, and the fucking rude guy said “You shouldn’t trust internet. Shut up, I’m calling police”. He literally called police then I paid the fee. The weather, sightseeing, people, everything was bad. Someone even stole our food from the hostel’s fridge 🥲 We stayed there one night and took a night bus to Budapest. We walked too much for a week in Rome and Vienna and we were so tired when we came here. My friend stayed with me for a week and we were chill and travelled in a slow pace. She had some dates from Bumble too. It was hard for us to say goodbye and go back to our normal lives and daily problems:( We got used to each other after being together for 2 weeks. We were so romantic for the whole trip hha we even had a valentine’s dinner on her last day in Budapest. A new semester started before she left and I wasn’t ready for school at all after travelling and not thinking about my problems for a while 🥲
I’m teaching Object Oriented Programming to 2 groups this semester. I wanted to do this only for money and adding something to my CV, but I kind of enjoy it now. I should understand what I’m teaching very well and put effort. I don’t want to fuck up students. It’s good for my speaking skills, understanding of OOP, and getting recognition at university. Our club is also doing a good job. We made a reel and it reached 1.7 million views in one day, like wtf. It was my idea to make that reel, and our marketing team made it perfectly ❤️ We just had an event today and I’m so tired for the whole day. I don’t know why I’m sad and not in the mood to do anything. I shouldn’t be this tired in the beginning of the semester.
To be productive and feel good, I should do the things I like. Or I should force myself to like doing things I have to do. I don’t know the solution actually. I realized that when I’m tired of doing things I enjoy, I still feel good even my body is tired and I wake up in the morning with motivation to do stuff. Nowadays I wake up at 5:40 without feeling rested and listen to music for hours until I have to get up. During the day I just want to lay down and do nothing. After having 3 classes, I’m exhausted. I wasn’t like this, I don’t know why I’m feeling this way. I don’t know what I want to do in the future, in what field I want to work, whether I should shift my career, whom I’m looking for, am I looking for a relationship or not.. But it’s fine to be lost. I give permission to myself. My motto is “time heals everything”. Whether it’s a heartbreak, interpersonal problems, or whatever I don’t know, it becomes better when time flies. If I’m sad for no reason, I wait for it. It’s not that easy to suddenly stop overthinking and get up.
My life has been good this year, and many more things are coming. Life is full of unexpected things.
Sorry for my grammar mistakes.
nanachka after another long day. Thank you my friend who told me to write a journal. It’s always the best remedy:)
2024.02.24 (wow, nice date)
