I don’t know where to start lol
Okay I realized I didn’t write a journal after my “new year” blog. It’s gonna be a long one.
I woke up with a hangover on January 1st. When I opened my inbox, I saw that I failed a subject. What a great way to start the new year 😂. It was my first time failing a subject, I don’t want to blame the teacher (but he was unbearable) it was my fault that I didn’t want to understand and put effort, I just hated it because I hated the teacher. Another lesson from my mistake.
I still can’t find an internship, my friends are getting accepted by companies and saying that I will find it for sure, but it’s not for sure. Now I just want to run away when someone talks about internships.
January was chill, I even downloaded Bumble (dating app). I tried this app before, but I wanted to go on dates this time to see how it is. It was actually interesting and insightful to meet new people and get to know them. Everyone is unique in their own ways and everyone has something to say. I used the app for only 2 weeks and deleted it.
Now I’m in my era of YOLO. I just want to try things without losing myself. Dating new people, dyeing my hair, getting tattoos, spending money on traveling, whatever. I don’t want to regret that I had a boring life in my twenties. I can have fun, study smart, work, and make connections with balance. But for this, I have to say no to some people and activities I don’t really want. If it’s not a hell yes, it’s a no. It’s hard to implement this in my life actually, I’m such a people pleaser.
I went to Rome in the end of the winter break. My high school friend Tsoomo studies there and I stayed there for 5 days. I liked Italy in general, it’s a very romantic place and food is good. But it was surprisingly dirty (even worse than Ulaanbaatar) and Italians don’t speak English. Then we went to Vienna, my number one city. But this time, we had such a bad experience there. We were fined 105 euros each because we were using the wrong transportation ticket. It was written on a website that I can use that ticket, and the fucking rude guy said “You shouldn’t trust internet. Shut up, I’m calling police”. He literally called the police then I paid the fee. The weather, sightseeing, people, everything was bad. Someone even stole our food from the hostel’s fridge 🥲 We stayed there one night and took a night bus to Budapest. We walked too much for a week in Rome and Vienna and we were so tired when we came here. My friend stayed with me for a week and we were chill and traveled at a slow pace. She had some dates from Bumble too. It was hard for us to say goodbye and go back to our normal lives:( We got used to each other after being together for 2 weeks. We were so romantic for the whole trip hha we even had a Valentine’s dinner on her last day in Budapest. A new semester started before she left and I wasn’t ready for school at all after travelling and not thinking about my problems for a while 🥲
I’m teaching Object Oriented Programming to 2 groups this semester. I wanted to do this only for money and adding something to my CV, but I kind of enjoy it now. I should understand what I’m teaching very well and put effort. I don’t want to fuck up students. It’s good for my speaking skills, understanding of OOP, and getting recognition at university. Our club is also doing a good job. We made a reel and it reached 1.7 million views in one day, like wtf. It was my idea to make that reel, and our marketing team made it perfectly ❤️ We just had an event today and I’m so tired for the whole day. I don’t know why I’m sad and not in the mood to do anything. I shouldn’t be this tired at the beginning of the semester.
To be productive and feel good, I should do the things I like. Or I should force myself to like doing things I have to do. I don’t know the solution actually. I realized that when I’m tired of doing things I enjoy, I still feel good even when my body is tired and I wake up in the morning with motivation to do stuff. Nowadays I wake up at 5:40 without feeling rested and listen to music for hours until I have to get up. During the day I just want to lay down and do nothing. After having 3 classes, I’m exhausted. I wasn’t like this, I don’t know why I’m feeling this way. I don’t know what I want to do in the future, in what field I want to work, whether I should shift my career, whom I’m looking for, am I looking for a relationship or not… But it’s fine to be lost. I give permission to myself. My motto is “time heals everything”. Whether it’s a heartbreak, interpersonal problems, or whatever I don’t know, it becomes better when time flies. If I’m sad for no reason, I wait for it. It’s not that easy to suddenly stop overthinking and get up.
My life has been good this year, and many more things are coming. Life is full of unexpected things.
Nanachka after another long day. Thank you Camelia for telling me to write a journal. It’s always the best remedy ✌️
2024.02.24 (wow, nice date)
