I got accepted for the scholarship! After all my hard work, I got what I deserve ❤
I’d been checking my email constantly for the last week of June, and I received the result on the 1st of July. At first, I wasn’t so emotional. I told my mom and she said “Your dad would be proud of you”. Oh, those words almost made me cry. The feeling that my parents would be happy with what I am doing and achieving is the best.
There were many moments when I felt I wasn’t good enough, I was wasting my time, I was a loser, and I was frustrated and discouraged. And every time I felt that way, I just believed in myself. I truly believe that there will be an outcome of my diligence. I may not create a startup or become a billionaire, but I will do my best to be a good person, who is loyal, smart, helpful, and eco-friendly.
I am relaxing too much this summer. I haven’t been this long without preparing for a test or doing my homework. I am watching a lot of Netflix, reading books, and learning some programming languages at CallPro. But I’m still so bored and didn’t make any relationship or good communication here. I kind of miss Lemon Press.
My mom and I get along with each other well nowadays. We talked about the use of alcohol, intimacy, and other things, that I should be careful of. I realized that she lets me and my sister do what we want. She didn’t force my sister to give birth while others were saying that it would be late. When I express my opinion and dream, mom doesn’t grumble. And when I am angry, she is always positive. The biggest thing that I am worried about now is how will she be alone for 3 years. Being alone and feeling lonely is sad, but she is happy that I’ll study abroad. Mom quit her job and there are 2 years left until her retirement. If my dad was here, everything would be perfect.
Sometimes I cry for no reason. When I listen to a song and see the emotion of an artist, I get emotional too. I still couldn’t go to a psychologist. It’s harder than I thought when I actually face it. Or, am I being just delicate? Is it normal to feel lonely most of the time?
I feel bad about being introverted and lonely, regret what I would’ve done, compare myself to others, and overthink. I think many people have problems like mine, but almost no one expresses it. Instead, they post the most beautiful pictures of themselves and add stories of what they are drinking. When I add a story and someone taps reaction, I feel good, but it won’t last long. I think it’s a miserable way to feel good. We should be able to comfort ourselves without any social media notification. Instagram sets a high standard and people just try to reach that because others may like them.
Friends are important, of course. Lately, I figured out that being with friends who talk about gossip is a waste of time. When I don’t want to hang out with certain people, I just lie that I should go. It’s way better to be alone than to hear other people’s relationships and failures whom I don’t care about. I want to make a meaningful conversation about the future, books, music, AI, or the economy. I become energized after I talked to a person who is knowledgeable and interesting.
I still don’t feel like I’m going to study in Hungary. I will get out of my comfort zone and step into a whole new environment. I will miss my family and friends so much and make new friends there. Many good and bad things will happen, and I’m so excited to overcome them. Good luck to me:>
22.07.07 Nana
